My grandfather, Angel, passed away very early Saturday morning. My mom called me at work on Friday afternoon to tell me he was very sick and that they weren't sure how long he was going to be able to hold on for... I drove down to LA and was able to get there in time to spend a few hours with him. He could hardly speak, struggling to take a full breath with the assistance of an oxygen machine, but with effort he smiled at me and said that he loved me. I could tell he was happy to be surrounded by family and I treasured the opportunity to rub his swollen feet in an effort to bring some comfort to a man who was once so tall and strong.
He passed away at 1:43am and I believe it really meant something to her when I told my mom that her dad had held on long enough to send us all a message-- 143 is, afterall, text-message shorthand for "I Love You". I think we all understand that the swiftness with which he left us that night was a blessing. A long-time smoker who quit before I was old enough to even remember it, Bapa Angel had been suffering for a couple of years now with respiratory issues. It killed my mother that my sister and I continued to smoke cigarettes even after his first stay in the hospital.
It felt really good, not only to be able to spend that last evening with him, but to be able to do so knowing that I haven't had a cigarette in almost one week and I don't plan on picking the habit back up. To put one of those death-sticks in my mouth after seeing the havoc they wreaked on that wonderful man wouldn't just be stupid; it would be downright idiotic.
I already miss him so much. I can feel that he's left this Earth-- there seems to be a big, gaping hole torn into the physical Universe. At the same time, I can also sense his presence. Almost closer to me than he felt when he was still alive. I feel pangs of guilt as though I didn't call enough these last few months or visit enough in the recent years. I don't think he would want me to feel like that, though. I hope, and can only choose to believe for my peace of mind and heart, that he knows how very much I love him.
I know, without a doubt, that he would want me to continue on this journey I've decide to take. I am still smoke-free and feeling good about it. I was supposed to start my green smoothie fast yesterday morning but for obvious reasons couldn't get to the grocery store. As if they could have provided me with any comfort in the first place. It was good to sit around my grandparent's kitchen table, eating sandwiches and swigging soda from the can with my family. It was something my grandmother would never usually allow-- this is woman who seems to subsist on whole grains, grapefruit, and egg whites. I think we all needed the comfort of some high fructose corn syrup and for some very strange reason, it warmed my heart to see the whole lot of us dipping into the same mustard jar and eating off of paper plates.
That said, I know it would mean a lot to Angel if we would all take outstanding care of ourselves, so that we might live long, healthy lives. He loved his wife, children, and grandchildren above all else and I know he wants us to be around to take care of each other. I want to be around to do that, and I want the energy to be a really actively loving member of our family which just isn't gonna happen unless I make the changes I set out to make.
So... to Whole Foods we go. My shopping list for my green smoothies is as follows:
-dark, leafy greens (kale, spinach, sorrell--yum, collards, mint, etc.)
-apples
-pears
-kiwis
-lemons
-bananas
-ginger
-some sort of algae supplement; maybe Spirulina-- I'll have to see what's affordable :)
I'm actually kinda starving right now-- it's already 12:30 and I haven't eaten yet today. Today I'll grab some lunch at the Whole Foods salad bar and I'll be writing out a plan for the month. I'm not sure how intense I'll be making the diet since as a college student with two jobs and plenty of social obligations, it's just not practical to eat every single meal at home, alone, and by the book.
My goal is to be eating as many whole, raw foods as possible-- keeping my diet at about 75% plant-based and hypo-allergenic (no gluten, soy, dairy, poultry, or red meat). Also still abstaining from alcohol, and taking a break from my beloved ganja. Today is my seventh day without booze or cigarettes and my fifth day without smoking weed. Regardless of where I go from here, even that is a tiny triumph for me and I'm pretty stoked about it.
Alright, I'm off... Love you, Bapa!
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