Well, shit. Where to start? I'm not telling you anything new when I say "we all take things for granted." Sometimes it seems like the things we love the most are the things we tend to overlook-- we surround ourselves in these things with frequency and with vigor because they're the things that make us feel good and we've grown so accustomed to doing it that we do it without giving it a second thought. Me? I'm a feel-good junkie. That about sums it up... if it feels great, I want more and not just a little more but a LOT more. Food, sex, booze, drugs... gimme, gimme!
Which is exactly why the next month is gonna be the toughest one I've seen in a real long time. I've decided it's time for a change. Let me describe, quickly, for you a typical day in my life.
I usually wake up after the clock strikes noon, load up the bong, and head to either school or work. I don't wake up early enough to make breakfast so that usually consists of smoking a few cigarettes and maybe grabbing some coffee on my way. By the time I get out of class or home from work, it's six or seven o'clock at night-- maybe later, and I probably still haven't eaten anything. If I don't have to work my second job, one of two things will happen. I might decide to stay home for some "me" time which consists of smoking an impossible amount of weed and finally getting around to making that meal (which will undoubtedly be humongous and of the gnarly-bad-for-you variety to make up for not eating all day). The second option is that I'll be heading downtown, in which case I'll be more worried about hopping in the shower and getting ready than eating which means I'll be drinking on an empty stomach, grabbing a piece of pizza from the bar, and waking up with a hangover that will undoubtedly make me late for school and/or work the following day. It's a vicious fuckin' cycle, man.
I think you can see why 1) my current lifestyle is in need of a serious re-vamping and why 2) if Detective John Kimble were here, he would scream at me, "YOU LACK DISCIPLINEEEEEE!" (If you don't know what that means, get out of my life and don't come back until you've seen Kindergarten Cop.)
That kinda routine would wreak havoc on anybody, but for me to keep living like this would be truly insane. Did I mention that before those "breakfast" cigarettes, I have to take a puff of my inhaler because I have asthma? Or that when I drink, it's usually upwards of four to five beers when I have reason to suspect that I'm actually allergic to the gluten that's in barley? Stupid freakin' idiot, party of one.
I've always been partial to the "live fast, die young" mentality... What use is a life without excess? But the fact of the matter, which is suddenly glaringly obvious, is that something's gotta give. I need to make some serious changes... Does it mean I'm giving up the good stuff? Fuck no! (Okay, well... some of it, yeah) It just means I'm making some better decisions about the stuff that really matters so I can still enjoy the rest of my vices with reduced guilt.
So here's the plan.
On Monday I'm starting an "elimination diet". It's not a diet in the traditional sense, as in it's not for weight loss. It's actually a way to test yourself for food allergies and intolerance and it takes at least a month to complete. This is how it works: you start off with a green-smoothie fast for two days. Then you begin on a hypo-allergenic diet (there are some foods that people just don't show allergies to-- rice, most vegetables, and lamb are a few examples) for the first week and after you've detoxed a bit, you slowly add in different foods as a way to "test" them. Basically, you eat a certain food (say, strawberries) twice a day, monitor your pulse at 30 and 60 minutes after eating, write down any weird reactions you might have, then move onto the next one.
Doing so requires me to give up caffeine, alcohol, and smoking (anything) for as long as I'm on it. The caffeine and smoking can affect your blood pressure so you can't really be accurate when you're testing the different foods. I know it all sounds really crazy but I just have this gnarly hunch that I'm allergic to a lot of the stuff I eat on a regular basis. They say the stuff you crave the most is the stuff you're most allergic to. Go figure. Fuck you, biology.
The ultimate goal here, besides understanding how food affects my body individually, is to feel awesome. Food allergies contribute to all kinds of shit, including: weight gain, headache, skin problems, depression, fatigue... all kinds of horrid stuff.
I'm looking to make a permanent move towards a more whole foods diet-- cutting out the processed shit that so many people have become so dependent on to provide nourishment because they feel like they don't have the time, money, or know-how to eat right. We're taking it back to the cave men days, ya know? It's about getting back to our roots and giving the finger to ingredients we can't pronounce.
And hey, skinnier thighs ain't gonna kill me, either.
So come along for the ride! Challenge your own bad habits, read about me kicking mine, or just start pooling bets on how long it'll be before I'm high-tailing it back to In-N-Out with a death-stick clenched between my teeth.
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